Show up. Don't explain.
Bereaved people repeatedly report two things that hurt: silence (people avoid them), and rushed explanations ('they're in a better place', 'at least…', 'everything happens for a reason').
What helps:
• 'I'm so sorry. I don't know what to say.' • 'Would you like to talk about [the person's name], or about something else?' • Practical offers: 'I'll bring soup on Thursday' (specific) beats 'let me know if you need anything' (puts the labour on them). • Use the dead person's name — they want it spoken. • Show up again in 2 months when others have stopped.
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